I am about to go into detail about a messy and very personal life experience. Just a heads up to anyone who might happen upon my post. Writing is my outlet, and today, I need my outlet.
We all know people who are sleepwalkers. People who’s eyes are wide open, alert and ready for business, always missing the details somehow. Today I confronted my past, and not in a self-reflective kind of way. It literally walked right into my office. He walked right into my office.
Six years ago I was the detail that was missed, and today, I was missed yet again. The man I’m referring to was my boss a long time ago. A man who’s motive was money, fitness, and charting out his next big move. I wish I could say I was simply un-noticed, under appreciated or betrayed. I wasn’t any of those things. I was the too young and too naive girl who was hired because of my pretty Facebook profile picture. The girl who appeared to have an exciting life. A model.
Sure, I was un-noticed in my efforts to some degree, but it wasn’t my efforts that were miscounted, it was heart. It was the life I lived outside of work. The tears I cried at my desk. The fake smile I put on every morning so my co-workers wouldn’t notice the problem. I was being trafficked. I was under the control and sexual obligation of a 35-year-old woman who claimed ownership of me. I was barely 18 when my boss learned what was happening in my personal life. He fired me. He fired me and I cried. He fired me and laughed at me while I cried.
Today, he walked right into my office. He looked me in the eyes and smiled that same sly and demeaning smile. He knew who I was. REWIND> REWIND> Rewind. Who I was.
He has no idea who I am.
Note to readers:
Your past does not define you. Your past has no control over you. Bad habits are breakable. Life can be different. If you are a survivor, your life is ALREADY different. Let life change. Let love grow. Remind yourself that who you were only drew the outline of who you are now. You get to do all the coloring.
You have freedom to color outside the lines.
With love and sincerity,
-The Talking S u n f l o w e r